A sillouette of broken promises.

I promise with every ounce of who I am; I'm trying.
I promise that the only reason I give up, is because I think I can't move.
Move on, move up, move forward...move outta here.

I promise that I don't try hard enough.
I promise that I don't do my best.
I promise, that even if I act like your love is meaningless-it means the world. It would mean the world to hug you sometimes; feel loved by you, sometimes. I wonder what it would feel to have your arms around me. Not a hug, I've had countless, but a person holding me together. Protecting me. I bet the world would stop for this moment.
The world would say "Hey! Look there, he loves her. That father would move mountains for his daughter. That father is her rock. That father is a father whom that girl can look to and see God."

I promise that I've never felt that way.

I can't complain.
I can't play the victim.
I can't act like I am without.

That would be a lie. I have so much. Too much.

I have a home. Food to eat. 30,000 children die every night of starvation and malnutrition.
How do I even have the right to complain?

Yet here I am...still typing. Still pitying myself when I have plenty of others things I could be doing. Like my stupid psychology paper.

When things got bad, I promised myself I wouldn't fall.
I wouldn't lose myself and I wouldn't conform.
One broken promise led to another broken promise which led to a sillouette of broken promises.

Not okay, Kels. Not okay.
Who do I think I am? I want soooooo much to make a dent on the world. I want my friends to look back on their life and remember that I was a part of it. A good part. I want my family to stop passing by me and grab me by the shoulders and say "Kelsey, take a breath! It'll all be okay." because sometimes I forget to breathe.

I want to go to Africa. Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to help. I don't want to waste my life here, feeling inadequate. Now I know all human beings are inadequate. Everyone falls short because no one is perfect. I just need to move.

Move on, move up, move forward...move outta here.