Growing hurts so good.

Realization means growth.
Mmmmmmmm. It hurts, though. I realized a lot, tonight.

I realized I'll never be able to have a healthy relationship until I forget about the past one's that have hurt me so bad. I define relationship as a real connection with someone. Family, friends, lovasss. Whatever, really. And I'm gunna be honest-I've messed up my fair share of relationships.

But I am learning, I am growingggg. That is evident. I know that's true.
But gosshhhhhh gollyyyy goddddd, hellooooo??!!!

Dang I feel you. You're answering everything. You really are.
It makes me realize that I don't need everything I thought. Not everyone can always stay in my life. You allowed something to crawl back in and made me realize, nothing lasts forever. Nothing but You and Your ever constant LOVE.

Love makes everything okay. Nahhhhh. YOUR LOVE makes everything okay. I've never been this rejuvenated. God I needed Mexico. I needed the sign. The fact that I was accepted into CCU while I was in Mexico was such a confirmation that I needed. New York will always be where I found it. New York Film Academy will offer me another scholorship. But Colorado is now. Missioning is in my soulllll I can feel it more alive in me than I ever though, ever imagined, ever dreamed of sister.

I think of all that's happened in the past couple months. I've felt more lost than I could ever remember feeling. More sick. Constant queasiness, constant hurt, constant heat. Thanks for understanding me. Listening to me. Having patience with me. I really would fall apart without you. You remind me so much of God's love. I feel like what was wrong with me and Maggie's friendship is that we were lacking God...and with our friendship...I feel him with every breath. Thursdays really were made for us. Alwayssss.

I needed this wind. This feeling that freedom is near and it's a different kind of freedom because I'm not creating it...it's just opportunity...it's just finally happening for me. God always provides. Yahweh always comes through. Even if it takes me a while to notice or absorb. It's sinking in like the hot summer sun.

Who knew that growing would hurt so good.