I cannot seem to operate.

I guess I'll try and describe it...
Have you ever gotten the wind knocked out of you? Or played the 'passing out' game? Now I'm not talking sensibly, just matter-of-factly.

This feeling makes you want to head to the bathroom and puke your guts out.
Makes you wanna drive with the same song on repeat.
Makes you wanna cry-and not care who sees.

Makes you wanna hold your knees to your chest, cause nothing else will hold you together...

It makes you want to write. Your fingers press the keys-though you're not 100% concious of what you're writing...yet everything seems to be coherent and incoherent at the same time...if that's possible.

Heart racing. It's beating fast, I'm tellin' ya, I'm not making this up.
FEEL MY HEART. It's not in the upper-middle part of your chest, like some think. It's crooked. To the side. Somehow that makes sense. Everything in life is a bit crooked. And if it's not...just cock your head a bit to the side.

Do you know how hard I've worked, just to make you proud? I've known you for 7 years and you do him favors. You've been my role-model for 4 years, and I have worked the hardest for you-than I have for anyone in my entire life-and I am a stone. A rock. You give him auditions with the theatre director at OU...and you give me 'loud stone'. This is expected. Like everything else in life.

BUT I AM GROWING. Child....that much is true.
Healing, too. Slowly...but surely.