143.

It's amazing how quickly you can let go of struggles only to find yourself with even more, right as you begin to stand again. Simple questions arise such as "why the hell would God allow this", only to open your eyes to the fact that questions like those are all but simple. Eyes begin to water and understanding seems less comprehendable, as do simple words and phrases like "it's all going to be okay" and "I love you". When you hear those in this state of hysteria you want to bolt. You want to grab the whistle around your neck and head to the mountains.

You want the baby to go away.
You want the suicidal thoughts to eradicate.
You want them to love each other again.
You want them to love you for once.
You want the favoring to stop.
You want the hunger to STOP.
You want the homelessness to STOP.
You want anything but love to STOP. STOP. STOP. Are you listening to me?

Stop for a moment. Okay? Just meditate for one second. Will you put down the phone and listen to me? Listen to Him? He just wants you to listen. This is purposeful. Things fall into place your whole entire life for this one solitary moment. For this one single disease. For this one simple miracle. Things like these are far above our heads for a reason.

I was never supposed to save Lexie. She is what some call hopeless, but she is what I call homeless. She is searching for where she belongs because she can't seem to find herself. She can't seem to understand that beneath the tattered clothes and seared skin...she is more than human. She is one big scar. And as I have learned and learned from every fall from the summit, scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. And beneath her exterior she is a warrior. She is Job, she is Paul, she is anyone who has lost everything. She is anyone who has lost themselves. She is you in the moment you found out you were pregnant at 19. She is you when you found out your fast friend had been murdered. She is you when you found out your parents are divorcing. She is you when your father beats you. She is you when your family neglects you. She is you when Satan tries to break every bone in your metaphorical mind. She is you. And if I can get through this, if Job could maintain faithfulness, and if you all....every single one of you can get through this...she can, too. Because she is His daughter...and damn...He loves us through the nails. 143 was the message Austin wanted me to delay to Lauren, tonight. 143 and He loves us all. Yahweh won't leave us at the cross, alone. He won't leave us at all.