I look at their little black faces and my heart is burning and I can't sit still. I can't move but just wanna move, all at the same time. So many emotions, but only the most important holds it's own.
My sister went into the ER a few days ago with just something a little more severe than the flu. They put her on an IV and then sent her on her merry way. None of us too worried, because her health isn't exaclty ideal. Never has been. Then two days ago she goes back to the ER only to be admitted into the hospital because she had a hole in her esophagus and was throwing up blood. So my whole family, besides me, headed up to Tulsa to be with her...sit with her...and tell her it's gunna be okay. Which it was. Which it is. Then she stopped breathing. Right then and there she couldn't catch her breath. So they put her on the heart level and she's on oxygen and being watched like a hawk. She has this disease that I can't even pronounce much less spell out. 10 in 40,000,000 people get it, so you can imagine our hysteria. Her throat had been closing up, and she almost suffocated to death. As my mother is telling me all of this, over the phone, I just couldn't even speak. I couldn't breathe myself, as I thought about not having her. About how I never see her, I never talk to her, but she means the world to me. I thought about our relationship...how tattered and broken it is. I thought about how much she has hurt me to the point where I never thought I'd heal again. And then I thought about the cross. I thought about how nothing about Jesus's life and death was really all that fair because this perfect man died the worst death. But I thought about how that fact and that grace should make my heart the most forgiving home. And so I forgive my sister, I apologize for not being a good little sister, and I pray.
Late last night my sister's throat closed up and she almost suffocated...and died.
This morning she spoke...this afternoon she swallowed.
And now? She's home. Lord I'm falling on my knees, right now.
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