Scribbles of nothing.

Another good night that ended with sitting in the country, and enjoying this earth. I feel so full. Full of joy and expirience. I'm sitting at my computer, scraping the paint off my desk, not even close to being tired. I'm thinking about everything and then nothing, all at once.

All the time I want to figure this life out. Why I'm here, where I'm going, why I was put in the situation God placed me in, and who am I...really? I constantly ask myself this. I know God is still molding me, and that these mountains in my future will be good. They will be good for my health and my heart, and they will make me strong. Stronger than I am right now. Which isn't saying much.

I'm listening to Coffey Anderson, wondering what he thinks in his genius head. That man writes good music. Such good music. When I have a feeling like I do now, I want to grab my ipod and my big 90's headphones and hop on my bike and ride to the park. To my spot that helps me thing about things I can't think about just any place. It's like my own little world...and I wish with everything that I was there right now. Either there...or in Colorado. Either in Colorado, or in my own little world where nothings harmful. Just for a moment. Just so I can...breathe. Breathing would be wonderful. It's so simple and I yearn for that. I yearn for too much. I should be content. And I am, for the most part. I am blessed. I am blessed. I know that I am blessed. I am full yet as I catch myself over-analyzing I realize that I am empty, too. What a complex girl I am to be full and empty at the same time. Ignorance is my fault.

Running, running, running I wish I was running. Not away from my problems, or my overwhelming stress, or anything physical...just...running.

You know that feeling you get when you think about a really happy memory? One that you think about and don't even have to close your eyes to see it happening all over again. You remember every uninportant detail. What you were wearing and if the people you were with had shoes on that tied. You remember everything and catch yourself smiling one of those smiles other people notice. And you glow. Your dimples are noticable and you laugh for no reason...even if nothing's funny. And if someone you're with asks you why you're smiling...you just laugh and say "it's nothing"...when it's actually everything to you. That one memory, means the world.