Leaves changing and hearts growing. Beautiful compilations of all this scar tissue growing together. But the memories still seep down where it hurts the most. They keep me up at night and they make me cry in the least bit of silence. The fact is that I miss her, and I know that this one won't heal for a while. For a really long while...
Not thinking about Africa this week was hard. Now that it's the weekend and I'm with Caroline (which couldn't be a bigger blessing) Africa is swirling around my mind 24/7, again. I remember on the drive up here just becoming anxious. Not knowing how I was going to pay for the plane ticket this soon-because we have to get it this soon. So I prayed and prayed and listening and drove.
Today Caroline and I were sitting on the curb talking. She said we needed to get out plane tickets this weekend, and I told her that I just couldn't. Then she said "Kelsey, my dad said we could buy them with his credit card and you could pay him back whenever you got the money..." and I immedietely fell silent and I knew if I had been standing up then I would have collapsed at that moment. I told her I just...couldn't and she surprised me with what she said next.
"Kels, I understand where you're coming from. But we know that were going to Africa. And we know that God will provide. And if you fully trust Him then you should trust that He will provide the money, too, and let my dad do this."
And I knew that it all made sense. But this man...this man that I hardly knew was willing to spend $1500 on a stranger whom he had met once, not knowing when I'd be able to pay him back. If He trusts God enough to offer such a generous thing...then I should trust that the Lord will continue to pave the way...and provide us with money...right?
This week has been hard. It's been painfully unsettling and my anxiety has been unbearable...but God is faithful...and I see that in every step. He's holding my hand...I know He is.
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