"Death is weird. Coming from everything I believe in, I should have a peace. I believe in a God who is waiting for me in heaven, and I believe that I will see those whom I have lost one day…but it hurts and it takes healing and time. It’s hard to be present when your heart is hurting and your head is in the clouds. You may be present in class, but you’re not really there. That’s the worst part. You may be with your favorite people in the whole world where you shouldn’t worry and you shouldn’t be anxious, but you feel the thud of your heart going everywhere and you have to escape to get some fresh air.
The people you love come after you because they care. They ask you what’s wrong because they know you well enough to know that it’s not nothing when you say it’s nothing. They know it’s everything. So you sit and cry and tell them about how bad your heartstrings hurt and they just put a hand on you, and you feel lifted? They speak healing and wisdom over you while you’re crying till your voice is raspy and when they’re done, you feel a peace. You don’t understand why this person in your life had to die in the way that she did, but the hand strung through yours and the flood of love and family make you realize that she is healed. And she is okay. And it’s only just me who is messed up. So I must rest easy knowing that she’s in a better place. And I must breathe easy because I am loved, and she’s really just an angel now…so it’s all just painfully worth it."
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