Thank you.

"I thank my God everytime I remember you."

Mmmmmm. The aroma of pumpkin and family fills the room. We hold hands and pray around the table. My mind flashes back to a year ago. Forbidden to see the people I was holding hands with. That was hard. This overwhelming feeling of grief came about me. Thinking about how lonely I was last year without my grandparents and sister. How detached I felt from God. How much space that had grown between me and my best friend. How every night I couldn't even cry myself to sleep cause of my insomnia. How somedays...I honestly didn't care about the world, or what part I played in it. I didn't care. I was selfish. And I was empty.

Flash forward 365 days. Standing around the table. My grandpa thanking God. Praying for those people today, without. I subconciously started to hold back tears and as the prayer ended, I acted like I was yawning so they wouldn't ask me why my eyes were watery.

I have so much. Compared to last year, I should be the happiest girl in the world. Compared to the families with only each other, I have too much. And I can only yearn for the kind of love those families have. I bet they love each other more than we'd ever know.

Thank you so much. Thank you for the hands I got to hold, today. Thank you for broken unity, because even if my family isn't all put back together yet, thank you for those baby steps. Thank you for my grandparent...who give more than you could even imagine, just by breathing. Thank you for my sister. Even though we get at each others throat-she is my rock. Thank you for mended friendships. For those are the people who give me so much strength to get up and run to you. Thank you for picking me up, turning me around, and setting my feet on solid ground. Hallelujah. Thank you Jesus. Such a beautiful song. Such a beautiful God.

Thank you, Yahweh.