Your light will shine when all else fades.

I love Sundays. But something always feels off when I wake up to an empty house, realizing I hadn't gone to church this morning. I like being alone, though. It allows alot of stretching.

I blare my music to where it should hurt my ears, but doesn't. Play the piano. Loud. Hard. But it's such a release. I've gotten to the point where I don't even have to look at my fingers or focus on the notes. My hands glide from A to A to D to A to F. This harmonic sound fills the room and I feel the fullest I have in a while. Just listening to the music. Closing my eyes, and moving my foot on and off the pedal like a dance step. So carelessly, but so real.

Everlasting.

This weekend was rough. Ya know, it was also beautiful. What am I saying? Blessed, blessed, blessed weekend. But yes, kinda painful. All these different emotions all at once. Pound. Pounding. Blaring. But my music eradicates the yuckiness. Bye bye.

I can't wait for my feet to move. Colorado, or Illinois, or Africa. Rawanda. Sweet little black babies and colors and God. God is everywhere, but God is there, too. God is sooo there. And I think He wants me to be there, too. My family? I don't know what they want. I never know what they want from me. All I know is that I have to keep moving. And I have to keep looking towards the light that is Yahweh.

Mmmmmm, Yahweh.

I remember one specific day, over and over. Quiet time surrounded by mountains and the best people I know. I spread out my towel on the thick green grass by the gazeebo. I collapsed onto it setting my journal and bible next to me. I remember laying on my hands and breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth and almost weeping. I was in the most perfect moment in my life. The mountians, I promise, were ENDLESS. My best friends were absorbing the same moment, feet away. And I realized what a blessed child I was: to be sitting in this CREATION, with my SISTERS, in COLORADO. Mmmmmmm I wanna be back so bad. And I opened my bible and I opened it up to a Psalm.

"Let morning bring me word of Your unfailing love. For I have put my trust in You. Show me the way that I should go. For You lift up my soul."

I scribbled down that verse in my journal and I wrote until I thought my fingers would fall off. I wrote of love, and love, and that's all I wrote about! Nothing else came to my head except for LOVE! The LOVE I have for my sisters next to me. The LOVE for the beautiful creation, AND THE LOVE FOR YAHWEH. For my beautiful God who brought me there. I want this moment back sooo badly.

Send me a letter. Draw me a picture on a piece of notebook paper. Call me. Something. Anything. Leave a penny on my doorstep, I don't care. Send me a bible verse. I'm waiting for something. Even if it is just a call. Even if it's just a whisper of something.

It's raining outside. And today is important.