I just got home. It's 3:27 in the morning and my stomach is in knots. But not in a fantastically speeechless way. In a realization that he will always love her.
When I'm with him it's hard not to smile. So this time, I avoided eye-contact. When we pulled up in front of some gym called optimist, we laid our seats back and he gave me his jacket to keep warm. I turn my face towards his for just one little peek and what happened was what I knew would happen. My heart stopped, my thoughts didn't make sense...and yes, I smiled.
We talk about God. He's the only guy I'm close to who I can talk about God with. He asked me about the dusty "love life". Is he that blind? I couldn't look at him when I lied about not liking anyone and thinking that dating in highschool is stupid (which I still think it is).
He showed me where he sleeps, sometimes. He grabbed my hand and ran it through his hair. I told him he needs a shower. I miss him. I miss his smile. I miss his drumming in the car and compassion about everything.
Why did I fall so hard Freshman year? Why did he have to trip over my stupid shoes...
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