My blogs portray so many different feelings.
I don't care.
One moment, he said. Think of one moment with you and him. The best moment. The moment everything finally made sense. Mmmmm
At the park by my house. Sitting on the dock strumming guitars. Not caring and caring more than I ever have at the same time. He tried teaching me, but I was just happy to be there. With him. That fall...last fall...seems so far back. But that was the moment, I knew.
I had a dream last night of me and my dad. It was a memory. I was 10 and he took me to this lake far away and we skipped rocks for hours. Then we went to a hotdog stand and we both got mustard all over our faces. It's one of those moments frozen in time. One of the few good ones. I woke up wanting that moment back so badly. I miss him. I never thought I'd say that because of all the anger I have against him...but I do. I miss my family. My sister. Ever since she moved out entirely, I've been in this all by myself. I went downstairs and he was there. We all ate lunch together. That was nice. I was yearning to give my dad a hug, a real one, which hasn't happened in...years. But I was too scared. Then, of course, it started. He started mocking me and making fun of me and I felt like an idiot for even having that dream. I remember why I hadn't hugged him in so long. I ran upstairs and blared Vanessa Carlton. I dunno why.
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