To my knees.

The past couple days have been hazy. Too much has happened and I feel satan pressing on my shoulders-and I'm trying to look to God to push him off.

Though making the hazy days none-existant by walking through substance sounds amazing...I will refrain. I will refrain because that only hurts me more in the long run. But mostly I will refrain because I know that Yahweh doesn't like that. He wants the best for me...which isn't drunken nights or numbing bones. It is an everyday struggle though. Like tomorrow.

Tomorrow will I have a home? Will I have enough money to eat, or do I have to keep burdening my friends for their dorm room easy mac. Will I have to sleep in my car tomorrow night-or will someone come to my rescue like they have the past 2 nights. I just feel so dang lost.

I miss my mom. I miss her because I feel that she's not there. I miss her because I'm starting to figure out who she is. She's weak. She's one of the least strongest people I know because throughout my entire life she's allowed him to inflict pain on me. Pain that has stuck with me even now as I'm typing this blog. Pain that I still see in my nightmares, and still feel when he's around me. I feel the most unsafe when I'm around my father.

I have the most amazing friends in the world. I am so thankful for their strength. For their hands that are holding me and their hearts that are leading me to God. Because above everything I know that I need Him. I have been praying really hard, lately. To my knees and everything. I'm just so scared for tomorrow.