I remember the night before I asked Brittney, my counselor, to talk to me after devotions. We sat outside beneath her sleeping bag and I told her a little bit about my story. Then the next day we just chilled and prepared our hearts with ALOT of prayer. I have never felt so lifted...so surrounded by God's presence. But nonetheless, I was still scared. I had hardly been able to share my story with the people CLOSEST to me, how was I supposed to tell the entire kamp of over 200 people?
Our counselors took us out to the sundeck to pray in silence for a while and just watch the sun go down and hear the river run...and I realized that God was going to use me that night. I had never felt more compelled to do anything in my whole life. Right before worship began and we let the kamp into the auditorium, Brittney came up to me and asked if I wanted her to pray over me, and after an enthusiastic PLEASE from me, she did. I could feel my sisters catching on to the fact that I was so anxious, and the flood of hugs helped keep me together. I love talking in front of people...but when it's about me it becomes so much more intimate...and I feel like I'm exposing a part of me that no one should know. And right as I was about to break Maggie grabs my hand and takes me aside and holds on to me and prays her heart out. While she was praying I felt someone else come and lay their hand on me...then another...and another...and by the end of the prayer my eyes were soggy, but I knew Yahweh was so ready for a revival. To wake these people up. To wake ME up.
I practically squeezed Jordan's hand off but when I went up there to share with hundreds of strangers the most raw part about me...I didn't even have to think. I don't remember a word that came out of my mouth but I remember seeing smiles, hearing laughs, and watching tears drip down peoples faces. I stepped off the stairs and I instantly felt arms around me. We got to our next destination in the gazeebo and Brittney said "Kels, you were beyond amazing" and right as I was about to respond, I remembered that I didn't remember one word of what I said...but that I had never felt lighter...Brittney said "praise God...now THAT'S a sign that God spoke through you...USED you."
Then after the girls heard some talk on relationships...we went back to the auditorium. We watched the most brutal scene of Passion of the Christ where they were nailing into His hands...Shelby sunk her nails into my knee and I grabbed her arm. Then I felt a rush of involuntary tears running hot down my face. I had never seen that...never fathomed anything near it...what Christ did for us...what He does for us everyday...anything pointless I do makes my stomach crawl because every breath of His was meaningful....
When Andy got finished talking we all walked to the cross. Luke started talking, and Scott started singing and Amy was the closest person in sight. We seemed to simultaneously grab onto each other. I remembered all she'd been through with her allergies, diseases, and the brain tumor she's been fighting for almost a year now. It made me hug her even closer and whisper in her ear
"You're the strongest person I've ever met."...and she said
"And you mine"...right back in my ear....
My jaw dropped and I felt hysteria leave my lungs. This person whom I'd grown to adore, this person who has been through hell and back, this person fighting cancer and God knows what else was telling ME that I was the strongest person she'd met? I couldn't believe it...I couldn't breathe. I think she caught on. She then said
"You are such an amazing person. God is going to use you in so many ways, you know that?"
And while I'd felt so broken before...I felt whole at the cross.
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