You're everything.

I don't know if I can do this, anymore.

I mess up, more than I make anyone proud.
Something pushes me down, everytime I try to jump up.

It's impossible.

Pound. Pound. Pound. Says my head and heartbeat, trying to keep up. I don't know if I can do this. The people I love most in life, where are you? The people who love me, I can't see any of you. Are you still there? My God. Pops. Can we talk? Or you can talk and I'll listen. Please speak loud. It's hard to hear anything past this constant pound.

I'll be standing in the middle of Nordstroms, and get this wave of something. Something that clenches shut my mouth and makes my eyes all glassy and my palms sticky. I want to be anywhere except for where I am. I can't fall victim to this feeling. But I do.

All that is resounding in my head is the words of someone who's supposed to love me, asking, "why are you so stupid?!" and it's like a broken record playing in my head, and I can't shake it away.

I look in the mirror. I don't wanna look in the mirror anymore. I look at my family. They don't wanna look at me anymore. I turn around to look at my friends...but they're gone. My God, you're the only one left. I'm listening.