Grab my hand.

Scars leave alot behind.
They're. Constant triggers of the memory.
Thoughts you only thought you stored way back there...
Mmmmmm. The residue of pain is left...in them.

It's the lighter, rougher patches of skin.
Say, when you fell off your bike and your knees broke your fall.
The time you thought that jumping off the swing meant you were a superhero. That day you wanted to make your dad so proud for once, that you went in for the slide.

It's the old notes that hang on your bulletin board.
Moments that are frozen in a picture. Many pictures. Pictures that cover your walls, and binders, and heart. Memories.

It's the pain that a boy left, when he left.
A hurt that a father bestows on the child he can't look at.
The feeling you have when you lose the person who's got you through most.

It's the constant thud of overhwhelming loss.
Losing someone. Letting someone go. Someone being taken away. Something you'll never be able to prevent...not even if you went back in time.

Scars are only visible, sometimes. And other times, they bleed through the skin. Cut past the organs, cells, bone, and heart. They stay with you forever. Screw the Maderma. Nothing helps this kind.

I keep burning things to diverge my mind. Incense, paper towels, old things I don't want to look at anymore. Not pictures...but scraps. The same song plays on repeat and I didn't even mean it to.

"We will only need each other, we'll bleed together. Our hands will not be taught to hold anothers."

But I need to stop. I've lost my sister and I can't try and change that. I can't try and convince myself that it'll be better tomorrow, because it won't. This is supposed to hurt, it's supposed to be hard. I know that. I've lost a sister, before. I've lost many. But I didn't think my best friend was capable of giving up on me. Especially since she was the one who knew the whole wide world had given up on me. Especially because she knows how scared I am of losing people. Especially because she's known how much I've lost. Especially because...I've lost her before. And she promised she wouldn't leave, again. But I guess I can't trust anyone. No one earthly. Everyone will let me down at some point. Everyone.

Just for once...will someone please...grab my hand?
Just for a moment. Just so I won't feel so damn alone in the world.